Are you a gift “zero” but want credit for being a gift “hero”?

Do you constantly forget to buy presents for special occasions? Or consistently rush around to find last-minute gifts that almost always cost too much or miss the mark? Do you struggle to even think of a thoughtful gift idea for that special someone? Do you panic when that special day sneaks up on you? If you feel the pain, you’re not inconsiderate, you’re simply a slow hammerhead. Fear not. We’ve got you covered. Now you have the Slow Hammerheads mobile app. Download the Slow Hammerheads app from the Apple or Google Play store and never forget to remember, again. 

Why Slow Hammerheads?

Great question. At first, it might seem like an odd association. But if you look closer, maybe you’ll see what we see. This mobile app is really about slow hammerheads. This species has a one-track mind (find food, eat food). They are wide-eyed, but have awful vision. They only see what’s right in front of them. They’re tough to train because they have a brain the size of a walnut surrounded by a thick skull. They can’t back-up so they have very little sense of what happens around them. (Stop me if this sounds similar to the habits of someone you know). Hammerheads are very tough to train. The slowest ones get left behind.

But here’s where it really gets interesting: it’s plain to everyone that hammerheads are notoriously terrible shoppers. I mean, when’s the last time you saw a hammerhead visiting a mall or browsing the selection on Amazon? Most of them don’t even use Paypal. In the deep, vast ocean where selection is abundant, instead of browsing for the ideal meal, they eat whatever comes their way first and only when necessary. They are the garbage trucks of the sea (our apologies to any hammerheads who happen to be reading). Plus, and this cinches it, they have no sense of time, so they can’t remember key dates without the proper help. Word is, they don’t even use the calendar app on their phone.

Next question.